Bert is Evil!

Bert killed beloved Wendy's CEO Dave Thomas

The first picture shows the first encounter between Dave Thomas and Bert; where Dave caught the felt-faced little bastard trying to look up the Clara Peller's skirt (the "Where's the Beef" lady) in 1984.
Recognizing the danger, Dave had his security detail beat the shit out of Bert and subject him to such indignities as a Biggie-sized Frosty enema before having him thrown out of the studio. Citing this
humiliation as well as Dave Thomas's philanthropic support of adoption causes, Bert vowed that he would one day destroy Dave Thomas.

For his part, Dave Thomas was one of the first people in America to recognize the pure evil hidden behind Bert's innocent looking striped shirts and single eyebrow. After years of secretly monitoring Bert's lifestyle of hedonism, mercenary treason, and plans
for eventual worldwide domination; Dave authored a tell-all book (the Dave_Exposes_Bert photo) that was
set to be released in February 2002.

Bert knew that he would have to strike soon to preserve his meglomaniacal plans. The final picture depicts Bert accosting Dave at a Photo-op. Bert pretended to approach Dave Thomas to apologize for their years of conflict. Being a gentleman, Dave accepted Bert's apology and shook his hand. Alas! Bert had coated his hand with an especially vicious strain of mutated cholesterol which is, of course, harmless to muppets, but the effects were disasterous for Dave as the substance was absorbed through his skin and set forth to clog his arteries at a disasterous rate. Coronary failure after years of heart problems, my ass.

Two days after Dave Thomas was laid to rest,the warehouse where all copies of Thomas's written expose of Bert was mysteriously burned to the ground. All of
Dave's personal knowledge of the Hadean evil that IS Bert died with him. Who knows if Bert's reign of terror might have ended if Dave Thomas's heroic efforts had prevailed?

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